Sorry, Not Sorry: Stepping Into Your Power By Saying “Thank You” Instead Of “I’m Sorry”

How many times have you apologized today?

Maybe you were late for an appointment, or had a lot of questions, or just didn’t feel like you did a good enough job (at whatever it was).

Chances are, if you kept track, you’d find that those two words are slipping out of your mouth A LOT. It’s almost a reflex in many situations. Some people will even apologize when someone else bumps into them!

That last example is kind of silly to think about. but it definitely happens. Women in particular are encouraged to be polite (at all costs) from a very early age. Don’t be too loud, don’t be aggressive, don’t take up space. These are the messages that society gives to little girls, and they don’t fade away just because we get older.

A 2010 study from the University of Waterloo found that men have a much higher threshold for offensive behavior than women do. To put it plainly, they’re just less likely to feel like their behavior in a given situation is apology-worthy.

Ladies, let’s take a page out of that book!

Why It Helps

Your Inner Power

When you apologize, it shifts the power in the conversation. You feel guilty, more vulnerable, and probably like you need the other person in the conversation to reassure you with “It’s okay!” In this situation, you are handing over the power of your feelings in that moment to someone else.

Think about how little control we seem to have over our own emotions some days, and we’re in the driver’s seat! Looking at it that way makes it a little frightening to be giving the responsibility away (to someone you obviously have zero control over).

What if we gave ourselves that reassurance? How would your day look if you didn’t feel the need to make yourself smaller because of everyday human flaws (we’ve all got em!)? What if, essentially, we told ourselves that we’re just fine the way we are? That, my love, is embracing and nourishing your own POWER! I’m all lit up just talking about it.

You have to believe in yourself first. Constant apologies will make other people think they deserve them from you. It might not even be a conscious thought, but really- you get back what you put out. Cultivate your own inner strength and it will shine out of you!

The Value of an Apology

I’m absolutely not saying that apologies are never warranted. Not at all! If you sincerely feel that you’ve done wrong, give a sincere apology.

When I snap at my husband and he’s done nothing wrong? I’m sorry. When I have to cancel massage clients because the flu is running through my house? Not sorry! Nobody wants those germs!

Just like other phrases, hearing them over and over and OVER makes them mean a lot less. Let’s choose to save “I’m sorry” for the moments when it’s reallly necessary. It will feel more sincere to you, and the people you say it to.

What to Say Instead?

Thank you!

This is the perfect replacement for “I’m sorry.” Go ahead, try it! Say both out loud, and see which one makes you feel better.

Thanking someone still accomplishes the goal, in many cases, and gives out a much more positive vibe. It creates an attitude of gratitude instead of regret. That’s a win in my book!

Additionally, this technique makes your apology focused more toward the recipient, and less all about you. You can convey your feelings about the situation and move forward with everyone feeling good.

Need some examples? I got you!

Flip The Script

Instead of: ” I’m sorry we’re late!”

Say: Thank you for your patience!

Instead of: “Sorry I’m rambling…”

Say: “Thank you for being such a great listener.”

Instead of: “Sorry this report (first draft, project) is such a mess.”

Say: “Thank you so much for taking the time to look it over- I look forward to hearing your feedback.”

Instead of: “So sorry, we can’t make it.”

Say: “We won’t be able to make it this time. Thanks for your understanding (and the invite)!”

Instead of: “Sorry I’m such a buzzkill today…”

Say: “Thank you for loving me even when I’m not in the greatest mood. You’re the best.”

Bonus!!!

A list of things you never ever have to apologize for! Wheeee!!!

• Your feelings
• Taking up space
• Your appearance
• The way you raise your children
• What you believe in (or don’t)
• Standing up for what’s important to you
• Other people’s actions
• Being sick
• Menstruating
• Not being able to do EVERYTHING perfectly, all the time
• Your house being messy
• Your body
• Your taste in music/art/hobbies
• Things that make you “weird”. I may not know you, but I fucking LOVE your weird. Let it out!!

What would you add to the list?

Will you try this and let me know how it works out for you? Share your experience in the comments below, or on Facebook or Instagram!