“Do I Look Okay?” It Doesn’t Matter!

Hello, beautiful souls! 

Today’s post is a little different than what you usually get here. It’s part confession, part rant, part screaming out for sweeping change. I think body image and our constant focus on appearance these days are huge issues that we all need to address. This is one we’ll fix from the ground up, my loves. Your actions matter. 

 Read on to hear my “do I look okay?” story and find tips for creating a healthier mindset around your self image! 

Getting ready to leave and go for a walk with my little boys this morning, there are a number of things I thought about “fixing” before I walked out the door.

Should I change out of this baggy sweatshirt into something more fitted? Something a little more flattering, a little bit more…put together. Do I need to fix my hair?

Let me remind you that this is for a walk around my neighborhood with my three and five-year-old sons at 8:30 in the morning.

Fortunately, I quickly realized what I was doing. And asked myself WHY. Why do I feel like I need to look attractive or even put together for a morning walk with my kids? Where is that coming from?

So even after I realized what I was doing, it was really hard to stop doing it. I had already called myself on my bullshit, and decided to share this story with the hope of helping other women wake up to how this mindset holds us down.

How much of our precious time and energy is wasted worrying about things like:

 Is my hair too frizzy? 

Does this outfit look stylish and effortless at the same time? 

Are my brows defined enough? 

Does my skin look dull?

I had decided to share this story with you. I was already thinking about the words I would use in my caption. I was thinking about the happy, un-self conscious selfie I would take showing that my mood and my worth did not need to be determined by how I look. And then do you know what I did? 

I looked in the mirror at the dark circles under my eyes and wondered if I shouldn’t throw some concealer on before I took that photo.

Fucked up, huh?

And here’s where that problem comes in- the fact that even when you know something isn’t true, you can’t help but believe it. I feel passionately that no one should wake up and feel like they have to change something about their appearance just in order to be acceptable for public consumption.

But even so, as a woman, and as a girl, I’ve received messages my whole life telling me that looks are everything. And even a couple years of (loudly) preaching the opposite doesn’t remove that message from my psyche. This is an old story. Your mother and her mother and her mother heard the story. Even in today’s world of body positivity and inclusivity, please don’t fool yourself into thinking that your daughter isn’t hearing it too. She is.

Babes- we need to burn that story to the ground. 

We would all be so quick to tell our sister that she is RADIANT with no makeup, PJs, and crazy bedhead, of course she doesn’t NEED any of that! But we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and say the same things. 

Self. Love. Is. Not. Selfish. 

So how can we work on living in the truth that we are enough without changing a thing? 

Here are a couple ideas- I want to hear yours too!

• Clean up your feed.  How do the images you see on social media make you feel? Pay attention to your thoughts and your body’s responses when you scroll- and unfollow as needed. 

• Take a social media break altogether! Listen, we all KNOW that Facebook and Instagram are a highlight reel, right? But it’s so so easy to forget that when you’re scrolling past all the perfect selfies, spotless homes, and so on. (File that under “things you know aren’t true but kind of believe anyway” as mentioned previously.) Take a break, whether it’s for a day, a week, or a month. We all should be doing this on a regular basis.

• Go make-up free for a day (or longer). Ditch your heels for the month, wear jeans and a T-shirt all week long, don’t use any hot styling tools. Whatever gets you out of your comfort zone!! 

And keep in mind- I’m not the lash extension and sexy shoes police. If you enjoy putting thought into what you wear, if you enjoy being creative with your makeup, I’m all for it. Live it up, gorgeous! But maybe changing your habits (temporarily) and noticing what comes up for you  could be enlightening. 

• Use social media for GOOD- tell your stories like I am right now. Post a pic of yourself with no makeup on, with undone hair, whatever. Be the example. Show people all the other things we can admire about each other, while leaving appearance out of it. 

• Ask yourself- would my husband/boyfriend/ brother/ guy friends worry about this? (I am aware that there are men who worry about their appearance and spend a lot of time to look a certain way, but the reality of it is, so many women <in hetero relationships with cisgender men> are putting way way WAY more effort into how they look before they walk out of the door in the morning.) 

 I can tell you for damn sure that my husband would not worry about how flattering his sweatshirt was before he left the house for a walk. He has also never worried about whether he was wearing the right shoes with his outfit or if his eyeliner looks okay. The man wears jeans and a tshirt 362 days out of the year and looks amazing. 

Gender roles are BS, friends.  We constructed them and we can smash them, too. 

Bottom line? Be YOU! If you know in your heart that putting on a full face of makeup every morning, or spending 45 minutes putting intricate french braids in your hair (I need you, come teach me) makes you happy, do it up. If you want to throw your fake lashes in the garbage and wear ripped jeans and a band tee today, enjoy.

We have a choice about where we focus our energy. Focus it on your heart, your mind, your SOUL. Your family and friends. Your work. Learning and creating and playing and living it up!

You’ll be shining no matter what.

Love,

Jacki